My stomach has been killing me tonight (ok, its hurt worse, but really, I’m not sure why I’m having this burning acid attack right now). So, now over 4 hours later since I had to stop eating in the middle of dinner and lay down…1 Acid Reducer pill (walmart off brand), 3 ginger root pills, countless Tums, and crackers later…I am too uncomfortable to sleep. And my mind is still going even though I’m tired. And course, what is it thinking about, but blogging? Again, what a dork I am. So, here’s what’s on my mind at midnight when I should be sleeping so I’m not dead tired at church tomorrow (here’s hoping the stomach stuff clears up so I can make it there).
But first two quick stories. The first to make you smile, the second to make you squirm. Seth gave Haddie her bath and brushed her teeth for me while I was resting and reading. She ran into my room afterwards all lotioned up and smelling like a clean baby : ) She laid down on the pillow next to me and pointed to my book and said “read Bible.” I explained it wasn’t the Bible. Then she said “read Psalms, read Bible.” So Seth got my Bible and we read a couple Psalms together. Well, actually I read them while she climbed all over the bed and me. But we talked about different parts of them and about how God made her and all of us. It was so cool to see her responding to what we talked about. I asked her where the heavens are (its been a theme in a lot of the Psalms we’ve read together) and she pointed to the window. I taught a week or so ago that the heavens were up in the air. Figured it was the easiest way for a toddler to understand. I’m still so amazed at how much she picks up!
This reminds me of last night when we came home. It was dark, and after we got out of the car she pointed out the stars. Somehow we started talking about the heavens and I asked her who was in heaven. She immediately said “Goliath.” haha. Here we go again. I nicely said that I didn’t think he was in heaven, but only God knows for sure. Then she said “David.” And I said, I’m pretty sure he’s up there. And we talked about how God, Jesus, and even her Great-Grandma Gloria, that she never met, are all up there. Its so neat to see things through a child’s eyes and have to think hard how to explain it all to them.
Ok, now for the squirming story…While I was laying (or is it lying? I never know) in bed, reading and trying to wait for my stomach to feel better, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I thought it was nothing, but decided to take a closer look. I stopped reading and moved the blankets…and it was a creepy black spider crawling up the blanket right next to me. Needless to say, I screamed and tried to smash it with my book. But it kept crawling. I called Seth in and he tried to smash it with my empty bowl (from the crackers earlier). But the stupid spider kept crawling. He finally got it. Bleh. That’s really what I want to find in my bed. Makes my skin crawl and reminds me of one of those weird facts that are sometimes quoted. About how the average person swallows so many spiders in their lifetime. What is it? Two or seven? Anyways. Bleh again. No wonder I can’t sleep. This actually wasn’t what was keeping me up…but it will probably be now. Great.
Ok, onto my original thoughts. I was reading “A Man Called Blessed” by Ted Dekker and Bill Bright. It’s a sequel to the last book I read called “Blessed Child.” Both pretty interesting. Anyways. I wanted to share a short section from the book that I found very true. Its interesting when fiction has some truth in it. Its sometimes refreshing because its presenting in a different way that can bring it home even more.
Hadane nodded. “Yes. The child who once focused the eyes of the world on Christ has lost his own sight. Misplaced his love. His faith. That is why you are here.”
“But I do still believe!”
Hadane hesitated and looked deep into him. “Do you? You believe what?”
“I believe in the power of Christ. I may not be living up to those beliefs, but I do believe.”
Hadane smiled sympatheticaly. “I am going to tell you a few things, Caleb. If you are willing, they will change your life, but you must open your heart.”
“My heart is open.”
“We will see. But your beliefs are wrong and so your love is gone.”
“No. I don’t think my beliefs are wrong. But tell me–”
“I have just told you. Your beliefs are wrong. You say that you may not be living up to your beliefs, but by definition, this is impossible. We always live up or down to our beliefs. Beliefs are the rails which govern our lives. Our trains roll on them whether we like it or not. If your train is not rolling on the set of rails which you claim are your, its because you have diverted your train to another set of rails–these are your true beliefs now, not the rails you left. Unless you first understand this, you can never find what you seek.”
“If I say I believe, but do not follow, then I do not believe at all.” Caleb said, more to himself than to Hadane. The brother of Jesus had said that. James.
Hadane nodded once. “It is the greatest misconception in Christianity today. That what you once believed, you will always believe. That to profess is the same as to believe. That a profession made twenty years ago somehow trumps what you really believe today.”
Hadane stared directly into Caleb’s eyes. “In reality, most people who call themselves Christians do not believe in Christ at all. Their train is not on his rails. They do not live what they say they believe, because in reality, they don’t believe it. Not really.”