Here are my favorite quotes from ch. 14 of Jill Savage’s My Heart’s At Home:
(Italics are direct quotes)
Advice for dads….
Be Fully There
They need a dad who is fully engaged, full there with his family. Because of that, Dad need to know how to successfully transition from work to home.
One Valentine’s Day, Jill’s husband brought flowers to his two girls (one at school and the other at work). Jill says: That simple act of kindness spoke volumes to our daughters. Their dad thought of them on a day when romance is celebrated. He wanted them to know that they were special and someone’s special valentine.
Sometimes Dad needs Mom, who is on-site, to brief him about things on the home front. Sometimes he gets his information from one-on-one conversations with his kids.
As the kids get older, a dad might take his daughters out on a regular date to show her that a man needs to treat a woman with care and dignity. He might set up a lunch once a week with his teenage son. They might share a sport together, such as bike riding or fishing.
When a father is absent, either physically or emotionally, there are negative effects on a child:
- Problems with school performance
- Behavior problems at school
- Boys often score lower on a variety of moral indexes
- Problems with emotional and social adjustment
- More likely to choose deviant peers
- More likely to use and abuse illegal drugs, alcohol and tobacco
- More likely to engage in great and earlier sexual activity
When a father is present, both physically and emotionally, there are great benefits for the child:
- Better academic activities
- Better attitudes toward school
- Better overall life satisfaction
- Higher measures of self-acceptance and personal and social adjustment
- More likely to have positive peer relations and be well liked
- More likely to grow up to be tolerant and understanding
- Higher levels of moral maturity
Letting Dad be Dad is an important strategy we moms need to understand. Too many dads feel criticized by their wives rather than encouraged to be who they are with their kids. Dad will inevitably do things different than Mom would–but that rounds out a child’s experience. It blends the best of both parents to shape and influence a child into the person he or she will become.
What Every Dad Needs