For some reason I’ve been in kinda a funk today. Actually, its probably be going on and off for a couple weeks now. Some of the causes have been out of my control, but some, I admit, are of my own making/decisions. But I’m finding it so hard to change these usually small decisions. Seriously, where has my willpower gone? (Not so sure I had it to begin with…let’s just say I’ve never been good with dieting or exercise.) Our sermon on Sunday talked about the “ruts” that we live in. I think I’m pretty well at home in mine recently. Sometimes I do good for a day or two surviving outside of it, but I always slide back in soon enough. I hate it…but at the same time, I must love it…because I can’t seem to motivate myself enough to stop it!
About 1 month ago, a friend and I started doing Jullian Michael’s “6 Pack in 6 Weeks” video. We were supposed to do it 5x a week to actually get the results. Honestly, I don’t think we expected to actually get a 6 pack (at least if we did…it would probably be still well-insulated!). But we knew we needed to get active. The first week we did 4x and walked once and the second week we did it about 4x too. Then we dropped off the map with it. See, I got sick with a pretty nasty cold so that week was out. There was no way I would be able to jump around and move much with how I was feeling. Then the next week (last week), Haddie got pretty sick with fever and cold stuff (dr. thought it might have been the flu). She was super clingy and pretty much only was calm and somewhat content when she was being held. So, no workouts then. So, here we are at week #3 of a break… And so far its been a funky week. I’ve woken up with decently bad headaches both days, which has led to tiredness (since I usually have to rest for a bit with an ice pack and meds to get rid of it) and lack of motivation. Yesterday, I did ok with finally getting moving and doing some of my household chores. Today, not so much…
I’m realizing now, more than ever, how much I truly lack self-control and willpower. I mean, I don’t drink, do drugs and I’m fully faithful to my husband. So 3 checks in the self-control category. I also don’t steal, spend tons of money, or eat myself into an oblivion, so 3 more checks, Yes! But then again, like I’ve mentioned, I can’t seem to stay regular with exercise to save my life. I can’t, I just can’t give up my 1-2 cans of Coke a day (everyone has their addictions, right?). I have a seriously hard time making myself wake up early if there’s not somewhere I really have to be. And I just can’t get with the regular devo program recently. I hate that I have to get onto the youth group kids about reading their Bibles when I struggle with the same thing (oh, I am honest and tell them that I struggle too…but I still fell like a hypocrite). If its so important, why can’t I make myself do it?? So, 3 checks for the weakness category. And there’s so many more I could list! I hate that I can’t conquer these 3 seemingly easy things. What’s my deal? Oh yeah, my spirit is willing (at least some of the time) but my flesh is weak (oh, so weak!…especially considering my lack of exercise!).
So, where to go from here? I honestly, at times, have no idea. In my mind I know I need to work on these things, but I so lack the desire/motivation/energy to accomplish these things. I know I need to set goals…but where to start? Sometimes I make them and they seem too easy, other times I set them too high. And still other times I can’t even make myself make them. Oh, yeah..I know how sorry I sound!
Some of you may be thinking, seriously? If this is all you struggle with then why are you complaining? Others may be thinking…seriously? These are super easy things! Grow up and get over it!
I know these thoughts have gone through my head numerous times. But I’m still here…in my rut. I hate that I many times waste the gift of being a stay-at-home mom. I feel like I waste the precious time with my child and husband. That I waste the time I could be ministering to our youth. That I waste the opportunity that God has given me to not have to work outside my home. But at the same time…I don’t believe that God wants us to be running around always busy like a chicken with our heads cut off. I think we’re supposed to take time to rest and be quiet. But I’ve probably sometimes take too much of this rest time… Anyways, I know I probably sound bipolar with my inner arguings. I know I really need to make some goals to actually achieve anything. So here it goes…I’m going to keep it pretty nice and simple. Please don’t laugh if you think I’m pitiful. And yes, I guess you’re welcome to ask me how I’m doing on these goals. Afterall, isn’t it accountability that makes us stronger and actually follow through?
Goals for this week:
1. Go to the two workouts being offered at church this week (includes tonight and Thursday).
2. Get up at a reasonable time each morning (and go to bed at a more reasonable time). I’m a little afraid to put what time that I’m aiming for for fear that I might be shot and left for dead by my working friends. Please remember, I’m a night owl, I get some of my best work (at least jewelry wise) done later at night after Haddie’s in bed and this time is the usually the only/best time that I can hang out with Seth. Also, being in youth ministry, we have a lot of later evenings each week and I need to account for those in keeping myself on a pretty regular schedules (and still be able to function with the kids). So, drum roll…I’m going to start making myself get up and out of bed at nine. Many times I wake up by this time, but I waste time laying in bed playing on my phone…aka, facebook, words with friends, groupon, news, etc. Then I’m planning on moving the time back 15 min at a time or so to get to eight am. We’ll see from there. Yes, please don’t hate me too much!
3. Get my devos (Bible reading and prayer time) done as soon as possible when I’m least likely to be interrupted. Hopefully this will be in the morning while Haddie is still sleeping (yes, I’m blessed with a child who actually sleeps in…some of it must be genetics! lol). If not, then I’m going to strive to do it during her nap before starting other projects!
4. Get at least one major house chore/other project done a day. And I’m going to work on specifying one main goal so that I can focus on it better. I tend to be a bit scattered in my chore doing…so I always feel like no one thing was actually accomplished.
Ok, *insert breath of relief here* There are my goals and we’ll see what I accomplish the rest of this week. Maybe I’ll try to make myself share my accomplishments/failures next week? That might motive me a bit!
So, what are your current daily “ruts” and what are your goals to get out of them?
Oh, and in one of my next posts I think I’m going to talk about our current possibilities for our family’s future. And No! I’m not pregnant…although that would be a nice excuse for my current “funk”! But no, I’m 100% not. Anyways…stay tuned for more info…